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The Tragedy of Monica Geller

I graduated high school in 1998, either (depending on which arbitrary marker you choose) the last of Gen-Xers or the first of the Millennials. Like so many of us who came of age in the 90s, Friends was a delightful, aspirational glimpse of the future. (I had no perspective to realize that my friends of

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40 Things For His 40th Birthday

My husband turned 40 at the beginning of July. I wanted a Bacchanalian celebration, cake and lights and streamers and swarms of people, forgetting entirely that this milestone wasn‘t about me. The realization would hit me eventually, before too much planning had occurred: he didn‘t want a big to-do. Nor did he want, he insisted,

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I Have a James Beard Award and I Think You Are So Great.

My writing pitches don‘t get accepted often. Sometimes an editor will contact me directly, and I‘ll send them a piece, and if it gets published, it may do quite well (my piece on bullying for The Washington Post was an example of that), but it rarely gets to that point. More often than not, I‘ll

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Become Invincible. Then Make Cadbury Creme Egg Mayonnaise.

The problem with any writer who happens to experience that rare, fleeting phenomenon known as external validation is that for a few moments, we go a little mad. Which is to say: we start believing our own hype. And for a writer, truly, what greater madness is there than believing in yourself? Don‘t get me

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I Tweeted About The Joker Being a Woman Who Was Tired of This Shit and It Now Feels Auto-Biographical

Recently my Twitter replies were doused in gasoline and set alight. It‘s been both somewhat alarming and interesting. (Uncontrollable, raging fires usually are.) I wrote this tweet in the lobby of a hotel in downtown Seattle after I‘d had a day. An exhausting, emotionally draining day filled with some of the more intense stuff you

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Happy 10th Anniversary To This Weird Blog

Ten years. It‘s been ten years since I started this blog. Ten years since Rand accidentally named this site because he misheard me when I suggested The Everywhere List. Ten years since we registered the domain. A decade of writing posts - some good, some utterly embarrassing, some very, very outdated. The wormhole created by

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My Memoir is Out in Paperback Today.

It has been two years since my memoir came out, and the reality of that dream coming true has both sunk in and managed to become surreal. Sometimes, I need a reminder that it all actually happened. And then someone will mention it to me, or email me to tell me that they just finished

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Between Two Knees at The OSF

Above photo: Between Two Knees (2019): Wotko Long, Rachel Crowl, April Ortiz, Derek Garza, Shaun Taylor-Corbett. Photo by Jenny Graham. Minutes before the curtain rose on the night we saw Between Two Knees, my husband Rand received a text from our friend Shaun, who is in the show. Sorry in advance, Shaun wrote,

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How to Become a Better Public Speaker (When You‘ve Just Bombed on Stage)

(Pictured above: me during a far less neurotic presentation.) I am standing in front of a crowd under blinding fluorescent lights. They appear to be listening to my every word. And I am positively bombing. The room is too bright, and I can see everyone‘s faces, but I am absolutely unable to read their expressions.

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I Bumped Into a Guy From High School And Would Now Like to Speak to The Manager

Hello, hi, yes, I would like to speak to the manager please? No, I don‘t think that this is something you could help me with okay. Okay, fine. Yes, so I‘ve been shopping here for several years, and it‘s always been a really positive experience. But yesterday I was walking down the freezer aisle

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